Blame

I think people view porn for different reasons, and everyone is generally responsible for their own actions.

However, suppose a marriage is otherwise healthy, but it is sexless. Having a sex drive is normal and anyone with one will seek to satisfy their sexual urges. We all have various options for satisfying those sexual urges, two of which are porn and sex with your spouse. If your spouse won’t have sex with you, your options for satisfying your sexual urges are more limited. In orthodox Mormonism, this basically leaves you with abstinence, which doesn’t actually satisfy anything.

Yes, it is possible to white-knuckle your way through life, but is that how we should be living? If someone is barely hanging on, where is their attention going to be? On the rest of their life, or their lack of a sex life? When people try to divert their attention, are they going to be able to fully give them their attention, or will they be irritated by someone diverting their focus from staying abstinent in the face of a raging sex drive?

When the sex-deprived person finally gives up and satisfies his sex drive through masturbation, porn, adultery, or other means, is he responsible for the “sin”, or is it the person who made that the only option available to him for satisfying his sex drive?

Suppose you’re in the desert and you have a wagon full of water and beer. You want to drink the water. Your spouse dumps it out all over the ground and says, “I’m not thirsty.” Well, you’re thirsty. Who knows how much longer you’ll be in the desert without water? You might last a while, but eventually you’re going to drink the beer. Yes, you made the choice to drink the beer. But if the other person hadn’t dumped all the water out, you might have lasted with just the water until you were no longer in the desert. Should you be held responsible for drinking the beer as a Word of Wisdom violation,, or should your spouse be?

I’m sure someone else could construct a better analogy, but I think it demonstrates that sometimes other people are responsible for our sub-optimal choices because they have taken away our optimal ones. The pain and consequences of not making a choice, or choosing a less desirable one, can build over time until we feel we have to make a less desirable choice to relieve the pain.

I like the analogy too.

I am one of those guys that never looks at porn if I am getting "some" from my wife at a reasonable interval (monthly seems to be enough to keep me from seeking it -- though to me this is way too long). Masturbation on the other hand (pardon the pun) happens when I feel like it. 99% of the time it's in the shower and therefore involves no porn.

I do not need porn at all. I've gone years without it as long as we are physically intimate.

So yeah, for me the analogy is pretty fitting.

I think it may be dangerous to justify our decisions on the acts, or lack thereof, of another person. Yes, the actions of others can potentially limit our choices but I feel that we must take a long term perspective. If a spouse says no to sex, that does not justify committing adultery. There is never a righteous reason to be unfaithful to a spouse and our covenants. If someone feels that that is their only choice than I would suggest divorce. At least that way the spouse isn't being hurt by infidelity. I'm not trying to be judgemental, just sharing my opinion.