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Post by KSSunflower on May 30, 2019 1:12:56 GMT -6
I read an article about the highest paid legal sex worker in the US.
She talked about helping couples rediscover intimacy, improving bedroom communication, and safely exploring and fulfilling fantasies.
She watched her own parents' relationship fall apart due to lack of intimacy and romance.
Obviously using a sex worker (even a legal one) would not be something LDS would do.
She had the credentials to go along with her sex work. She was more than a sex worker and that was really what the article was about.
That isn't so much the point of this post. Rather I found it an interesting segway to discuss intimacy problems on a wider scale.
Why do you think we are having so many issues with intimacy in the US? What is the solution?
Would you ever consider getting help from a legal professional sex worker?
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Post by edshubby on May 30, 2019 10:25:47 GMT -6
She sounds like more of a sex surrogate than a prostitute.
Yes, our culture has a major intimacy crisis. However, I think it is different for LDS vs. non-LDS and the overall level of crisis hasn’t necessarily risen, but if anything has only changed in nature over the years.
Specifically, LDS probably struggle more with the physical side of intimacy. We’re too inhibited and afraid of fully expressing sexual desire for fear of becoming “carnal”. We’ve got a great set of roots, but they’re buried under a cement slab and it takes a lot of effort to grow around or through it. It’s hard for the tree to grow and flourish.
The general population probably struggles more with the emotional side of intimacy. They’re ahead of the LDS in terms of physical expression but they aren’t as good at building it on the foundation of a solid committed relationship. It’s like a tree without roots — it is more likely to wither and die, even though it looks great at the start.
I think previous generations had their own challenges, but I think modern gender roles have simultaneously helped us move toward healthier intimacy while putting up barriers to intimacy — we have a better destination, but the road’s more difficult.
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Post by KSSunflower on May 30, 2019 23:32:25 GMT -6
She sounds like more of a sex surrogate than a prostitute. Yes, our culture has a major intimacy crisis. However, I think it is different for LDS vs. non-LDS and the overall level of crisis hasn’t necessarily risen, but if anything has only changed in nature over the years. Specifically, LDS probably struggle more with the physical side of intimacy. We’re too inhibited and afraid of fully expressing sexual desire for fear of becoming “carnal”. We’ve got a great set of roots, but they’re buried under a cement slab and it takes a lot of effort to grow around or through it. It’s hard for the tree to grow and flourish. The general population probably struggles more with the emotional side of intimacy. They’re ahead of the LDS in terms of physical expression but they aren’t as good at building it on the foundation of a solid committed relationship. It’s like a tree without roots — it is more likely to wither and die, even though it looks great at the start. I think previous generations had their own challenges, but I think modern gender roles have simultaneously helped us move toward healthier intimacy while putting up barriers to intimacy — we have a better destination, but the road’s more difficult. She called herself a "sex worker." I guess that could mean a lot of different things. She does work at a brothel in Nevada. What did you mean by modern gender roles helping us move toward healthier intimacy while putting up barriers to intimacy? |
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Post by edshubby on May 31, 2019 0:51:59 GMT -6
What did you mean by modern gender roles helping us move toward healthier intimacy while putting up barriers to intimacy? The presumption is that modern ideas of consent, division of responsibilities in the home, etc. lead to better intimacy. I suppose I should have said “barriers to sex”, but that will naturally impede intimacy, so... I kind of get the impression that a lot more sex was happening, and at earlier ages, if you go back 200 or more years ago. Today, there are too many hang ups (at least in the US). Maybe I’m wrong. |
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Post by KSSunflower on Jun 1, 2019 20:20:49 GMT -6
What do you think is missing now that we had in the past that led to more sex/intimacy? Which parts of modern society should we maintain?
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utah
Newcomer
Posts: 19
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Post by utah on Sept 28, 2019 22:20:32 GMT -6
What do you think is missing now that we had in the past that led to more sex/intimacy? Which parts of modern society should we maintain? I think wealth has allowed us to keep children from maturing and growing up. They are putting off traditional roles and responsibilities. Also, they have forsaken tradional gender roles. Women are more masculine and men more feminine. It has hurt both genders and the relationships between them. |
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Post by jjjp on Jul 22, 2022 13:32:45 GMT -6
Every age presents it’s challenges. I hesitate to say we’re in a marriage crisis. I do believe that most or at least many couples today are dual income earners. Wives have additional roles to play as partners in providing for families. A generation or two ago, many fewer were in this position. With more traditional gender roles and more complex divisions of household labor, everything is impacted—including, and perhaps especially sex. Wives are tired, despite often working hours and earning equivalent to men, they almost universally do more housework and are more saddled with stress of housework. I think this is driving sexual frequency down. I may be wrong. I think with greater flexibility and autonomy in marriage our sex lives need to be negotiated the same way we negotiate cooking, cleaning, caring for and transporting our children. When a wife is potentially doing 50% more work than she would have done in past generations and still bearing a much larger role in finances, child rearing and running the household, the time and energy has a cost. I think one casualty of this trend is our married sex lives. Time and energy are not infinite. We all need to be kind and understanding. We must exude gratitude. I think the fact that my wife is too drained for sex as often as I’d like is not great for me but I together we have to figure it out. Anyway, I won’t call it a crisis, but I do think we need to rethink how we negotiate all this.
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Post by KSSunflower on Aug 8, 2022 20:23:21 GMT -6
jjjp,
Do you expect those that live more traditional gender roles are having less of these issues or is it more a problem across the board?
Certainly there needs to be understanding on both ends when it comes to obligations and time. I'm not too sure about negotiating it the same as divvying up chores and finances but it does need to be prioritized in some form.
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Post by jjjp on Oct 3, 2022 20:43:59 GMT -6
I think there are plenty of challenges to go around and lots of ways for couples to adapt and build intimacy—from many perspectives. I just think a couple generations ago with more fixed gender roles, a “traditional” husband could expect more frequent sex and probably a more submissive “traditional” wife. If he’s the only bone responsible for earning a living and does it with relative ease and she’s maintaining the household and unconcerned with cares beyond home and children, I surmise that sex may not be better quality, but may have been more frequent in prior generations. I think balancing the more complex roles with more dual income families brings in more stress and complication. Also, our lives are more sexualized—tv, ads, working in more mixes gender workplaces. It seems like a LOT has improved—there’s more emphasis on consent and female pleasure and orgasm now than 30, 40, 50 years ago. But, I think women today are probably more apt to refuse sex more frequently than past generations citing all the extra duties they’ve picked up since entering the workforce in large numbers. I don’t think one side or the other traditional/vs more modern or liberal/ conservative is necessarily helpful here. I think we share and discuss more than past generations in forums like this. We want it all—orgasms, prosperity, righteousness and approval and in those multiple complex pursuit, something has to give. I think a lot of us are jacking off alone to cope with stress and have an outlet as we try to have it all. It’s probably not all bad. I think it does represent change that’s not without costs. It’s kind of like the greater reliance on prepared food or using Disney movies to entertain and distract our kids when we have a lot to do.
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