Attraction to Other People

For the most part, I think it was a great answer, especially the part where it talks about how Christ was tempted and how attraction is part of the human experience. It diminishes the Atonement to imply that temptation for Christ really wasn’t temptation. Our body will always have various impulses and it is important how we respond, or don’t respond, that is important.

I think I would say much the same as the therapist, but in some ways I might raise the bar, while in other ways I might lower it. For example, it’s hard to view someone as a “whole person” if you don’t know them. This doesn’t mean that any attraction to people you don’t know well is therefore sinful. What matters is if this limited view of them keeps you from granting them some minimum measure of respect and decency that should be granted to all people.

Acceptable / Non-sinful attraction can be more IMO than a dispassionate intellectual appreciation for beauty. It is something physical. It is the embers of a fire that can turn into a raging inferno if you throw kindling and additional fuel onto it. The point is that you keep embers embers. Just because there are embers doesn’t mean you’re sinning. If you’re leaving them alone or doing your best to dump cold water on them, you’re fine.

Of course people other than my spouse are attractive. I think it happens to everyone, depending on their sexual awareness — kind of like sex drive, some people are high, others are low, but I think it might be distinct from sex drive. For example, someone that is completely asexual / low sexual awareness, I would assume they never feel attraction to another person, but someone with a high sexual awareness probably feels attraction quite strongly and more frequently, assuming there’s someone to be attracted to, regardless of whether the attraction is to their spouse or not.

If you look at the gender disparity in things like infidelity, it does seem like a few women get around to a lot of guys. However, what I’ve learned about sex drive is that it is more evenly distributed between the sexes than most people think, so attraction should be too. The disparity in how this is expressed probably has more to do with women prioritizing security over other concerns.

I don’t think about sexual acts with the subject of the attraction. I base my sexual decisions on my relationship to them, not how attracted to them I am. Personally, it takes very little to be attracted to my wife. I’m one of those men who find their wife to be incredibly sexy and sexually desirable when they’re pregnant. Simply thinking about how she’s the mother of my children, whether she’s pregnant or not, can give me a hard on — seriously, I got one just thinking about this while typing it out. On the other hand, sex with someone without a significant relationship holds very little interest for me, physical attraction or no.

Keep it RARE:
1) Recognize the attraction. Cultivate self-awareness, if needed. The more we are aware of our body and our minds, the more equipped we are to make rational decisions instead of merely reacting to stimuli.
2) Accept what you’re feeling, that it is normal, and that you’re not a bad person for feeling that way. Your body and your spirit are supposed to be joined together and they’re designed with purpose. What is bad or good is how you respond to the feelings of attraction.
3) Remove yourself from situations that risk overwhelming you and provide fertile ground for poor decisions. If you find yourself crossing the line in your thoughts at the local swimming pool or beach, you might reconsider putting yourself in that situation, or devise strategies to keep yourself focused on something else. If you know you’re attracted to someone and you think you might make bad decisions, avoid being alone with them. This includes waiting until the attraction has subsided / you’re no longer thinking of that person before you engage in any sexual activity. If I see a gorgeous woman in a bikini at the beach, then go find the restrooms so I can rub one out, that’s pretty poor self-control and probably has something to do with what I just saw. You don’t want to be thinking of someone else while engaging in sexual activity.
4) Express your feelings in an appropriate way. Since we are built to have and respond to feelings of attraction, we need to have a plan for their ultimate expression within the bounds of our own marriage. This could take many forms, depending on your situation. It could mean making plans for being intimate with your own spouse and focusing on your love for them. It could mean that you refocus your energy on doing something to improve your own marriage. If you are both single, it could mean asking them out on a date.

I often feel the same way about being friends with the opposite sex. I really miss having male friends but I don't feel comfortable pursuing friendships with men because on some level it feels wrong now. I think it's sometimes difficult to separate the sexual aspects from it, especially if there's any attraction. The reality is that friendships with the opposite sex have to have boundaries that same sex friendships don't. When you know that you can't cross certain lines you're going to be more cautious in those situations. Nobody would question my fidelity if I had a night out with a girlfriend. I would love to be able to hang out with another man the way I could a woman, but they aren't the same. There will always be that risk.

Yes I does feel wrong. It's not but it does. Hiding it would be wrong for me. There is the risk for sure.

I was the same. Almost all my friends in my youth were girls. I just get along better with them. I still maintain that all the caution leads to an over sexualization of women. To me it has turned female friends into targets of sexual desire... I hate it.

Anyway. I'm side tracking the thread.