Post by KSSunflower on Jul 20, 2018 17:00:09 GMT -6
Excuse the language.
I’ve had sex without having that deep connection and sex is way better when you have it. I can still feel my husband’s first kiss. It just resonated in my body. The first time we had sex, was the first time I could actually say it felt good to me.
I had had sex before marriage, and I certainly liked all the guys I had been with. I was head over hills for the guy who I had sex with first. We had a lot of sex, but it was nothing compared to sex with my husband. It didn’t have any lasting affect on me.
There are times when I wished that I hadn’t had sex with those other men. While I can’t change the past, I can feel good knowing that my most special and memorable sexual experiences have been with the man I married.
That said, I think we need to make sure we keep this connection with our spouse intact. It is very easy to lose the connection we once had if we aren’t paying attention. The spark goes out. The desire for each other wanes.
For me, as the high desire spouse, I discovered that, though interested in Sex, I'm actually more interested in connection. Deep, meaningful connection. The 2nd question they get on the podcast talks all about this.
So though a little different from what you are talking about, it's still similar. What I discovered is that emotional intimacy has been lacking in my marriage. My DW, though try as she was, was not being emotionally intimate / vulnerable with me. Which lead to me always wanting Sex due to that being the closest thing to connection I could get. Last week, we emotionally connected, and my desire for sex was actually gone for 4 days. I was shocked. Relieved actually.
I have always said in therapy and in our conversations, it's NOT about the sex. After listening to Dr. finlayson-Fife, all sorts of lights came on, and I felt enlightened.
I've tried to talk to my wife about this new discovery and even tried to get her to listen to the podcast and she said no... Oh well.
At least I understand myself better and I can let go of a LOT of shame associated with being the higher desire spouse. I can now see that I want for connection and my wife most the time, can't or won't provide this for me.
For whatever reason, this makes a huge difference to me.