Sex with a connection

Through listening to the latest podcast Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist Part 23 (podcast 261) I learned a few things about connection -> You can skip to 12:30 for question 2 -> rationalfaiths.com/261-ask-a-mormon-sex-therapist-part-23/ .

For me, as the high desire spouse, I discovered that, though interested in Sex, I'm actually more interested in connection. Deep, meaningful connection. The 2nd question they get on the podcast talks all about this.

So though a little different from what you are talking about, it's still similar. What I discovered is that emotional intimacy has been lacking in my marriage. My DW, though try as she was, was not being emotionally intimate / vulnerable with me. Which lead to me always wanting Sex due to that being the closest thing to connection I could get. Last week, we emotionally connected, and my desire for sex was actually gone for 4 days. I was shocked. Relieved actually.

I have always said in therapy and in our conversations, it's NOT about the sex. After listening to Dr. finlayson-Fife, all sorts of lights came on, and I felt enlightened.

I've tried to talk to my wife about this new discovery and even tried to get her to listen to the podcast and she said no... Oh well.

At least I understand myself better and I can let go of a LOT of shame associated with being the higher desire spouse. I can now see that I want for connection and my wife most the time, can't or won't provide this for me.

For whatever reason, this makes a huge difference to me.