Masturbating

I agree with you about the IVF point. How else would you get the sperm out, unless your wife was there to “give a hand”?
If we had to do IFV, I’d think I’d have to have my wife help me. In my youth, I experimented a few times, but was never able to do it to fruition. It’s always felt weird to me. I still don’t think I’d be able to do it.
I just feel like masturbation has the potential to desensitize you to your spouse’s touch, just like porn does. I don’t want to tread anywhere near that.
Thanks for your reasoning.

Although I think there is something to this — the Internet certainly seems to think so — I think those aren’t the most common experience. If I had to guess, that happens when masturbation is very frequent (multiple times a day), involves the use of porn, and/or follows a very specific pattern of stimulation (only one position, place, method, etc. is used). If masturbation is less frequent (1x per day or less), doesn’t involve porn, and involves a variety of stimulation, I don’t think there is the same risk.

For me, it is more akin to scratching an itch than seeking physical pleasure. Itches are annoying. If you don’t scratch an itch, it may come and go to some extent, but it can also get increasingly irritating and difficult to ignore (see the Parable of the Persistent Widow). If someone is itchy, they’re likely to be more irritable and less focused. Sure, you don’t have to scratch when you have an itch, but you’ll be miserable as long as it persists. I’m a much more pleasant person when I’m not “itchy”, it’s not distracting me from other matters, and I’m not constantly being reminded of the impact my wife’s condition has on our sex life.

I’ll add one last note here about this. Trying to refrain from any sexual release at all for years on end, with no end in sight, wasn’t just annoying, like an itch. You can scratch an itch and no one cares. You can’t masturbate without damning yourself to hell, if you believe the “little factory” contingent. And that’s just the start of it. In this life, there’s so much shaming that occurs when suddenly you can’t go to the temple for a family member’s sealing, you can’t baptize your child, you can’t give someone a blessing in a pinch, etc. All of that for relieving, with no apparent consequences, a normal physical urge over which you have little control?

I can go without masturbating. It is possible and I have gone years without doing so. But having to put up with the constant “itch” without risking this insane series of consequences, without having a means of relief, was damaging my mental health and the damage was spreading to other areas of my life. On the other hand, masturbating means I can go on with my day without the relentless agony inflicted by biology. Some day, if I were to divorce and remarry, or become a widower and remarry, things might be different. Then, I might be cheating my 2nd wife out of her due. Now, I am not.

To answer my own question. I do it. Not as often as I did prior to marriage but do it. I will always ask permission to do it so my wife knows what I'm doing. It's usually when she is on her period. She will often come in to watch or lend a hand! For her, I encourage her to do it often. I've noticed that when she masturbates, she tends to be more in the mood and our sex is more frequently. I don't think within marriage there is anything wrong with it. As long as it's not replacing the act of sex and partners aren't getting their needs fulfilled. That's my opinion anyway. I've never had it asked specifically in an interview since being married however my new Bishop is pretty strong against it for the youth which I could imagine how he is with other adults.

I appreciated your thoughts on this. I agree with you. I was asked all the time growing up if I masturbated. Sometimes I lied, other times I didn't. Thanks, SWK. 🤬I haven't really been asked about it since marriage though.
I happen to love masturbation. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, unless it is replacing sex. Nothing can replace my wife's pussy, but masturbating is a close second to it. She masturbates also, and I have also noticed, it tends to put her in a heightened sense of sexuality for when I come home from work. I truly feel like masturbation has been a gift in our marriage

Interesting conversation. To answer the question, I do it occasionally, my wife knows, and the bishop doesn't ask about it.

As far as the above conversation, I look at it the same as a full bladder or a woman who has breasts full of milk. Things are a lot better if you get it out.

I know my wife and I had a big conversation about masturbation a few years ago as we were getting ready to discuss it with the kids.

We both agreed that it is not a big deal, unless it starts to interfere with life and relationships. We told our kids the same, and that the bishop doesnt need to know anything about it--unless it becomes a problem. Its your body and your choice.

I don't do it often as I prefer intercourse, but I still do it occasionally--she walked in while I was doing it a week ago. Similarly, she prefers intercourse, but often "finishes" herself if we have wrapped up sex (and I have fallen asleep) and she decides that she isn't quit done.

It's really not supposed to come up in an interview. Period. It's appropriate to politely answer the appropriate, printed interview questions--do you live the law of chastity and strive for moral cleanliness. I believe preparing to leave as young missionary there is an expectation to be masturbation free. But for a regular temple recommend interview it is not appropriate to ask about any specific sexual act. And it is advised that there is not church discipline or revocation of privileges for porn or masturbation. Consuming porn is still considered a poor choice but is not to be asked about or punished and members who bring it up are to be loved and supported. I masturbate. My wife knows. She is satisfied with infrequent sex and masturbation is a blessing to us both. No porn. I have not been asked about it since my young single days. I used to worry about interviews, but I no longer do. The handbook and training for leaders has shifted (and continues) and our leaders want us to be good, loving people and they get that being kind, honest, decent, believing people is important and pressing members about masturbation and porn was hurting members and hurting leaders and not building the kingdom.