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Post by KSSunflower on Apr 12, 2018 13:10:47 GMT -6
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Post by mac on Apr 12, 2018 13:34:42 GMT -6
then i should be doing great, as i do dinner and dishes lots.  I need to bring this up with the wife...mac |
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Post by edshubby on Apr 12, 2018 23:36:01 GMT -6
All I got to say is that it’s incredibly frustrating to use this tactic, among others, and have them not work!
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Post by KSSunflower on Apr 14, 2018 19:35:20 GMT -6
All I got to say is that it’s incredibly frustrating to use this tactic, among others, and have them not work! I don’t think it’s supposed to be a “tactic.” I think, used in that way, it may feel like a husband is only doing it to get sex. I assumed the husbands helped with no expectations and because they feel it is equally their responsibility. Perhaps when women are seen as their own person (a beautiful, intelligent, interesting, and sexy woman), not just a wife and a mother, she feels better able to connect with that part of herself. I’m only guessing, though. Any thoughts? |
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Post by edshubby on Apr 15, 2018 0:49:39 GMT -6
All I got to say is that it’s incredibly frustrating to use this tactic, among others, and have them not work! I don’t think it’s supposed to be a “tactic.” I think, used in that way, it may feel like a husband is only doing it to get sex. I assumed the husbands helped with no expectations and because they feel it is equally their responsibility. Perhaps when women are seen as their own person (a beautiful, intelligent, interesting, and sexy woman), not just a wife and a mother, she feels better able to connect with that part of herself. I’m only guessing, though. Any thoughts? Usually, when people quote these sorts of studies, the idea is to say, “hey, guys, if you do more dishes, you’ll get more sex” — it’s being recommended as a strategy to get more sex, rather than talking about how the wife will feel more like she’s your equal and her own self apart from her husband and kids, and more in touch with her sexual side. |
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Post by KSSunflower on Apr 15, 2018 13:16:56 GMT -6
I don’t think it’s supposed to be a “tactic.” I think, used in that way, it may feel like a husband is only doing it to get sex. I assumed the husbands helped with no expectations and because they feel it is equally their responsibility. Perhaps when women are seen as their own person (a beautiful, intelligent, interesting, and sexy woman), not just a wife and a mother, she feels better able to connect with that part of herself. I’m only guessing, though. Any thoughts? Usually, when people quote these sorts of studies, the idea is to say, “hey, guys, if you do more dishes, you’ll get more sex” — it’s being recommended as a strategy to get more sex, rather than talking about how the wife will feel more like she’s your equal and her own self apart from her husband and kids, and more in touch with her sexual side. I can see how that comes across. I know people post things like this, mostly as a joke, but also as a “See! You need to do this more.” But I don’t think it really works that way. I don’t think a man can just begin doing dishes, and expect things to change. It is similar to how we serve or keep the commandments. We may outwardly be doing all the right things, but where is our heart and mind? Are we doing it for the right reasons? Are we doing it to look good, get praise, or receive blessings? Are we doing it out of fear? Or do we desire to do it out of genuine love for God and those we serve? Now, there will be some who take advantage. They are content to allow you to serve them, but have no intentions of giving anything in return. That becomes another issue and obviously doing more won’t solve it. We shouldn’t do things looking to be compensated, but in any relationship we hope to feel the other person loves us as much as we love them. |
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Post by NeverGiveUp on Apr 28, 2018 2:41:50 GMT -6
I have to say something here. I have been going to a marriage and sex counselor (MSC) for 5 or so months now. I have been married for 23 years. The MSC and I discussed my tendency to feel like after I've done X, Y and Z I should be entitled to sexual intimacy (SI). Reading and believing articles JUST like that one 20 years ago I had created this false believe that I could TRADE X, Y and Z for SI.
WRONG!
He told me that SI is not a commodity and cannot and should not be traded, but is something that is shared when both parties decide to do so (which is an entire new thread on its own)
For years I have been frustrated with wondering why my wife didn't want to be SI??? I've done, X, Y, Z and now 1 and 2? My beliefs and actions caused me to feel very angry and frustrated all the time.
I learned this last Saturday, so I'm still working through this and trying to change a long held belief so I can be free to do something different.
Just like KSSunflower said, we can't do dishes and expect stuff to change. Believe me it won't and you WILL be frustrated by it.
What articles like these should be preaching is we should selflessly love our spouses and give of ourselves, our time, and our talents so that we can create mutual love and respect in our marriages.
My wife asked me if it feels like we are having a tug of war. My response was no, but after prayerful consideration and a conversation with a trusted friend, I can see I was wrong -- this belief has helped me pit myself against my wife, which has led to a lot of unhappiness.
I am a firm believer that the adversary wants to break up marriages. Talking frankly about this stuff will shine a light on it and hopefully kill off false beliefs.
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Post by KSSunflower on Apr 28, 2018 3:04:21 GMT -6
Well said, nevergiveup.
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utah
Newcomer
Posts: 19
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Post by utah on Jul 24, 2020 23:40:00 GMT -6
It's funny, but my wife said the same thing. Want to get her warmed up? Wash the dishes, change a diaper or take out the garbage. Not because she wants to get out of doing chores, but because it shows that I am trying to care for her. Most men are visually stimulated, but women need emotional stimulation--and this goes a long way toward providing it.
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Post by NeverGiveUp on Aug 8, 2020 17:14:02 GMT -6
I think what I am hearing is that we should care about our spouses and do dishes because they need to be done and we can see our wife is buried (very common). With no expectation of reward, but because we are a partnership.
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Post by KSSunflower on Aug 12, 2020 5:34:52 GMT -6
I think what I am hearing is that we should care about our spouses and do dishes because they need to be done and we can see our wife is buried (very common). With no expectation of reward, but because we are a partnership. You've got it. 😉 |
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I need to bring this up with the wife...mac
