Post by KSSunflower on Jan 6, 2018 19:24:52 GMT -6
I watched this video on how to distinguish between attachment and love.
It had some good information. Not sure I believe there isn’t some form of attachment with love but what she said about clinging vs holding gently resonated with me.
I learned this concept a long time ago from my therapist using sand as an analogy.
“Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
A lot of times when a relationship is in crisis our reaction is to grasp tighter, becoming more clingy and needy. However, that often gets us the opposite of what we desire. This behavior is more likely to push one away rather than bringing them closer.
I also like what she says about being fulfilled within ourselves and appreciating that in the other. Not expecting the other to supply that sense of well-being. Again I’m not sure how much of that is realistic. I think we all have some dependence on our spouses and their actions do affect our well-being to a certain extent. What they do still matters. Ideally, if both spouses are loving the other genuinely, caring about their happiness, then this will work out beautifully.
It had some good information. Not sure I believe there isn’t some form of attachment with love but what she said about clinging vs holding gently resonated with me.
I learned this concept a long time ago from my therapist using sand as an analogy.
“Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
A lot of times when a relationship is in crisis our reaction is to grasp tighter, becoming more clingy and needy. However, that often gets us the opposite of what we desire. This behavior is more likely to push one away rather than bringing them closer.
I also like what she says about being fulfilled within ourselves and appreciating that in the other. Not expecting the other to supply that sense of well-being. Again I’m not sure how much of that is realistic. I think we all have some dependence on our spouses and their actions do affect our well-being to a certain extent. What they do still matters. Ideally, if both spouses are loving the other genuinely, caring about their happiness, then this will work out beautifully.
