Post by KSSunflower on Jun 27, 2023 10:06:12 GMT -6
I've talked to many people over the years about relationship issues and it seems that some people, especially men for some reason, would rather accept blame to keep the peace in the relationship rather than talk it all through. Oftentimes they don't actually think they were wrong but they don't want to fight so they apologize anyway.
I've heard the saying, "Happy wife, happy home" and people always laugh. "Haha that's so true," they snicker. But should it be that way? Certainly, we should strive for the happiness of our spouses but I don't think it should be imbalanced. One person should not always be bending for the other. That doesn't seem healthy.
A person shouldn't accept blame for something they didn't do. I know it seems good but I think it ends up hurting the relationship more because while you may have prevented an argument in the moment, you haven't made anything better. You still have the problem. Only now your spouse feels justified in their part of it.
You have created a vicious cycle. They will continue in their behavior because you led them to believe they were right and you were wrong.
This isn't to say you should point blame either. That's another topic in itself.
There are ways to talk about a problem without pointing fingers or apologizing simply for the sake of "peace." These actions don't lead to a constructive conversation nor does it lead to true peace.
An apology can lead to mutual apologies but not always, so you shouldn't apologize for more than what you are actually responsible. It is good to apologize if you actually did something and could have handled it better, though.
Be sincere in your apologies. Be honest if there is something your spouse has done that has caused ill feelings. Learn how to discuss disagreements and actions that have upset you.
When you live more authentically with your spouse and are able to work through some of the issues standing between you, you'll feel closer and more bonded. You won't hold as many of the resentments you once had toward them. Then, hopefully, this will lead to greater intimacy.
Thoughts?
I've heard the saying, "Happy wife, happy home" and people always laugh. "Haha that's so true," they snicker. But should it be that way? Certainly, we should strive for the happiness of our spouses but I don't think it should be imbalanced. One person should not always be bending for the other. That doesn't seem healthy.
A person shouldn't accept blame for something they didn't do. I know it seems good but I think it ends up hurting the relationship more because while you may have prevented an argument in the moment, you haven't made anything better. You still have the problem. Only now your spouse feels justified in their part of it.
You have created a vicious cycle. They will continue in their behavior because you led them to believe they were right and you were wrong.
This isn't to say you should point blame either. That's another topic in itself.
There are ways to talk about a problem without pointing fingers or apologizing simply for the sake of "peace." These actions don't lead to a constructive conversation nor does it lead to true peace.
An apology can lead to mutual apologies but not always, so you shouldn't apologize for more than what you are actually responsible. It is good to apologize if you actually did something and could have handled it better, though.
Be sincere in your apologies. Be honest if there is something your spouse has done that has caused ill feelings. Learn how to discuss disagreements and actions that have upset you.
When you live more authentically with your spouse and are able to work through some of the issues standing between you, you'll feel closer and more bonded. You won't hold as many of the resentments you once had toward them. Then, hopefully, this will lead to greater intimacy.
Thoughts?